we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
