last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
