You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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