i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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