another moral hangover. fuck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
