I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
