i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
