you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
