I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
