PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He passed out mid-signature
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize