I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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