We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
