ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
