This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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