the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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