i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
