i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
