I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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