I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
