I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
