Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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