Your face is a jimmy john
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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