I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
