Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
