Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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