I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
