He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
