Please, let me fuck your mom
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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