there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
