Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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