I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
