Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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