you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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