it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
