just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
