Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
