I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
