we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize