Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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