i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
