No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
