When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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