I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I believe in your delicious
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
