You made me cry and you don't even care
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
