I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we made out on top of his cat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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