Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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