now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
just tell him i said nine months
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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