Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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