we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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