..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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