So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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