yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
