Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
