I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize