did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
