My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
