Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize