Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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