And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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