Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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