we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
