you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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