I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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